Considerations about marriage – Part 2 (end)

Living together always requires resignation on both sides. After all, marriage is a long-term chat.

Considerations about marriage – Part 2 (end)

Living together always requires resignation on both sides. After all, marriage is a long-term chat.

Autor: Gebaldo José de Sousa
from: O Consolador -Weekly Magazine of Spiritism

Children with problems are those we harm, by distorting their character, and poisoning their feelings.
This is what the Spirit Emmanuel teaches us in Chapter IV of the book "Love Laws".
"No one escapes the law of reincarnation. (...)

And, no matter what are our obstacles in the family, we must become aware that all the moral building of the Kingdom of God starts in the invisible foundations of the struggle at home".11
Before marriage, there is a sublime connection between bride and groom. Conversation is charming, packed in the melody of dreams.

After the wedding, in many cases, (...) "There is no reciprocal concessions, no tolerance and sometimes not even friendship. And the luminous beauty of love perishes, when husband and wife let go friendship and the pleasure of talking to each other".
"(...) very few are aware that home is an essentially divine institution and that one should live within its doors, with all your heart and with all your soul".12

How to interpret these changes?

When we manage to live together at home, that is when the obligations of the past appear.
Many domestic difficulties are brought from other lives.
In our family we are in contact again with those we liked in previous lives, or those we do not like, with the purpose of adjustment and readjustment.


"(...) A man will leave father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they become one flesh (...) So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined, let not man separate". Matthew 19: 5-6.
However, Jesus accepted the divorce if caused by adultery (Matthew 19: 9).

"Divorce is a human law that is intended to separate legally what is already, in fact, separated. It is not contrary to God's law, since it only amends what men did and is only applicable in cases that do not take into account the law of God". 13

It is allowed as a last resort, to avoid greater harm.

But the Spirits call our attention to the fact that we are responsible for our marriage, according to Jesus' advice to Joan of Chusa, above, to whom He recommended resignation, to maintain her marriage:
"As for the divorce (...) in our opinion it should not be made easy or encouraged among men, because there is no marriage on this Earth, legalized or not, without strong ties on the principle of responsibility assumed by both partners".14


"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and is blessed by the Lord". Proverbs 18:22.
"Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself". Paul, Eph, 5:28.


"All that comes from God is immutable. All that is work of man is subject to change.
(...) in a marriage, besides the divine material Law, common to all living beings,  there is another divine law, unchangeable as the Laws of God, exclusively moral: the Law of Love. God wanted human beings to come together not only by the bonds of the flesh, but also of the soul, so that the mutual affection of the spouses should be transmitted to the children, and they were two, not one, to love them, to care for them and to make them progress. Is the law of love taken into account under ordinary conditions of marriage? Not at all. It does not take into account the affection of two beings who are attracted to each other by reciprocal feelings, since, in most cases, this affection is broken. What is sought is not the satisfaction of the heart, but the pride, vanity, greed, in a word, of all material interests.

When God said, "You will not be but one flesh", and when Jesus said, "Do not separate what God has joined together", these words must be understood with reference to the union according to the immutable law of God, and not according to the changing law of men". 15


Couples who love each other develop their own language: gestures, glances, smiles and winks are worth speeches. They translate thoughts that words cannot express. This gives them joy and peace. Their hearts are connected - which favors the serene and constant dialogue, exposing, clearly, their own feelings.

Those, who do not love each other, live in growing tension, with beatings and screams - which shows that their hearts are far apart, although physically close. This fills their lives with sadness and unhappiness.

The first soften the pain in their path, and build happiness in this world. The last aggravate the natural difficulties of life.
In the home, it is up to the couple to give children love, education, support and examples.

They ought to devote themselves to the study of the Gospel, to teach them to pray and to love God.

We do not understand, yet, on Earth, the importance of sincere prayer, in all circumstances, but it assumes extraordinary value within the four walls of a home!

Spouses grow when there is real commitment from one to the other and with the sacred tasks that they embrace in their home, if they invest in the relationship, make mutual concessions, if they do not hold grievances, nor cultivate feelings of revenge, if they are friendly, and show fellowship to share joys, sorrows, dreams and accomplishments, express admiration and mutual support, and if they praise each other when alone or in public.
And the conjugal union fulfills its purpose - which is the growth of both and of those around them - when they sit down face to face and look into each other's eyes.
Marriage, after all, is a long-term chat.

Life together requires resignation on both sides. In any quarrel, someone must take the first step and break the ice.

It requires permanent exercise of understanding, donation, mutual respect of individuality, to the other's tendencies, tastes and habits, loyalty, patience, and above all, the performance of duties, however small.

To support the other, so that he/her can expand his/her potential, and talents, developing self-esteem, brings the couple together.

In marriage the constant exercise of love, affection, tenderness, makes marriage pleasant and develops the spiritual communion.

Love must be greater than the difficulties.
Magical expressions in favor of harmony: I am wrong, you are right, please forgive me, I was rude, I promise that I will change my behavior.

How about starting today using these expressions for peace at home?
These are factors that create a cozy atmosphere and transform houses in homes.
1. DIAS DA SILVA, MA. The one who loves does not fall ill. 5th ed. Sao Paulo: Best Seller Publisher, 1994. p. 283.
2. XAVIER, F. Candido. The Good News. By the Spirit Humberto de Campos. 13th ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1979. Chapter 15, pages 99-104.
3. McGarey, Gladys y William. Revelaciones de Edgar Cayce sobre el amor y la familia.Madrid: EDITORIAL EDAF, S. A., 1989. Chapter 16, p.. 245. Free translation of the Spanish.
4. XAVIER, Francisco C. The Comforter. By the Spirit Emmanuel. 7th ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB.1977. Q. 179.
5. XAVIER, Francisco C. Our Home. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 25th edition Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1982. Chapter 38, p.. 212.
6. XAVIER, Francisco C. Life and Sex. By the Spirit Emmanuel. 6th edition Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1982. P. 60.
7. Kardec, Allan. The Spirits' Book. Translation: Evandro Bezerra Noleto. 1st edition Commemorating the Centenary. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 2006. Q. 695; 701 and 939, respectively.
8. Kardec, Allan. The Gospel According to Spiritism. Translation: Evandro Bezerra Noleto. 2nd ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 2013. Chapter V, item 4.
9. XAVIER, Francisco C. The Messengers. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 12th edition Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1980. Chapter 30, p. 160.
10. VIEIRA, Waldo. Sun in Souls. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 3rd ed. Uberaba: CEC, 1974. Chapter 37, page 111.
11. XAVIER, F. Candido. (Divine) Light Home. By the Spirit Emmanuel. 7. ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1991. Chapter 49, page 124.
12. XAVIER, Francisco C. Our Home. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 25. ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1982. Chapter 20, page 112.
13. Kardec, Allan. The Gospel According to Spiritism. Translation: Evandro Bezerra Noleto. 2nd ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 2013. Chapter 22, item 5.
14. XAVIER, Francisco C. Evolution in two Worlds. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 5. ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1979. Part 2, Chapter 8, pages 186/7.
15. Kardec, Allan. The Gospel According to Spiritism. Translation: Evandro Bezerra Noleto. 2nd ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 2013. Chapter 22, items 2 and 3.

Translation: Eleni Frangatos
From „O Consolador” Weekly Magazine of Spiritism, Year 8 - N° 406 - March 22, 2015