Considerations about marriage - Part 1

Translation: Eleni Frangatos

Living together always requires resignation on both sides. After all, marriage is a long-term chat.

Part 1
"For a marriage to work, it is necessary that both partners consider the wedding and its success as the most important aspect of their lives giving it attention and care. It is an illusion to think that a relationship will continue by itself, without being worked and carefully cultivated, or still that only one of the partners is responsible for it". 1

The book "The Good News" 2 records the Master's dialogues with Joan of Chuza - one of his most faithful followers.   ...>>

Here is a brief summary of this conversation in which the Master suggests she stay at home, with her husband, who does not understand her.

She lived in Capernaum and "followed Jesus in the lake preaching".

She was a dedicated and noble character woman, had true faith, but did not have the support of her husband - who was a server of the "powerful" of the day - more connected to immediate interests.

At Simon's, she seeks for Jesus and tells Him her sorrows and domestic ailments. The husband could not stand the new doctrine, and he did not "accept the truths of the Gospel". Should she not impose to him her faith?

After listening to her patiently, He replies:

"- (...) Does your husband not understand your sensitive soul? He will one day. Is he reckless and indifferent? Nevertheless, love him. You would not be with him if there was not a just reason. Serving him with loving dedication, you will be living according to God's will. (...) You must, by the Gospel, love him even more. Those that are sane do not need a physician. (...)

Be faithful to God, love your partner as if he is your son. (...) Go back to your home and love your husband as if he is the divine material that Heaven placed in your hands so that you model a work of life, wisdom and love!...


- Go, my daughter ... Be faithful"!

This sensible guidance gave her resignation and a new view of her life.
She tried to forget the lower features of her husband and tried to see the goodness in him, encouraging him to develop his potential virtues.

In this manner she showed that the one who loves and understands more the other has to reach out and help the one who is weak in his faith, descending to his level of understanding.

She gave birth to a little boy and this doubled her work.

Over the years, she developed her faith and knowledge.

Political persecution led her husband to debts, to suffering and death.

Joan endured all misfortunes. She put aside the material comfort offered by nobility.

She dedicated herself to the children of other mothers and was busy with the household chores, so that she could feed her little boy.

And this beautiful narrative tells us about other relevant facts of the life of this extraordinary woman who knew how to live as a Christian and at the end, in Rome, she became a martyr giving her life in the name of Jesus and His Doctrine of Love.

WHAT IS A HOME? "A home means a safe harbor, a shelter, the material representation of the place where one lives, a residence for the development of the spiritual, mental and moral relations of those who live there, as an image of what will be later in the heavenly home, in the kingdom of Heaven". 3

Is it possible to build an ideal home? Are there formulas? Are there models to follow?

What is the purpose of a marriage?

What ideals do couples cherish when building up their own homes. What are they seeking for?

Is the purpose of marriage only to perpetuate the human species?

Marriage gives us the opportunity to develop a home, which is the laboratory where God teaches us to exercise the universal love.

It is not something finished. It is built on a daily basis. It does not end when the wedding ceremony terminates. In fact, that is when it starts!

Although a marriage is important for the couples involved, and the community, we do not prepare ourselves properly for it as we should, and it requires constant adjustments because it brings together people with different backgrounds and brings families together with different concepts about life. What is natural for one, may be harmful for the other.

Marriage is made of mutual giving in. If not, the most common things turn into a discussion.

Everything is disapproved.

Intolerance generates implications when sitting at the table, the way one chews, if one has a loud voice, the way of dressing or how one combs his hair.

The unwillingness to dialogue leads to loneliness between two people that live together - perhaps the worst possible type of loneliness - or to divorce.

If well understood, marriage is an instrument that favors our moral development.

It allows us to overcome selfishness.

Before marrying it is "my", and after it is "our".

Hence, the importance of dialogue, to solve conflicts throughout life.

When married, one has to divide your attention, learn to practice resignation, to spend sleepless nights, tripping over dirty nappies, rush to the doctor at odd hours, losing the movie we'd like to watch, the novel, news or sports events on TV. Moreover, we must learn to replace our ingrained habits.


In Spiritism there are no wedding ceremonies, baptisms, or formality of any kind. It is enabled by civil union, according to the Law, which aims to ensure the rights of the parties and any descendants.
At weddings, we are united in prayer, in favor of the couple and their families.

"(...) Unions are provided in our lives, to be a dark proof atoning, or to be a valuable opportunity of a mission to regenerate and sanctify". 4
"(...) There are marriages based on love, on brotherhood, trial, duty (...)".5"Only based on mutual forbearance and reciprocal forgiveness (...) will husband and wife be able to succeed regarding their respective chores and appointments, embracing, and opening the door to peace and to the divine light of freedom". 6

Marriage "is a step forward for the development of mankind". 7
"Marriage, according to God, must be based on the affection of those who unite". 7

"(...) How many are those who believe to be madly in love, because they only judge by the appearance, but when they live with someone, they do not take long to recognize that it was only a physical enthusiasm! (...)

There are two kinds of affection: of the body and of the soul, often one is mistaken for the other. The affection of the soul, when pure and friendly, is enduring. The affection of the body is perishable. That is why, very often, those who thought they were in love forever ended up hating, when illusion perishes". 7

"How many unhappy marriages do we see, as a result of a determined interest or vanity, and in which the heart has taken no part!" 8

"(...) Marriage is one of the finest acts of our life on earth". 9  "No one can live normally without company.
A look, a gesture and a word (...) have deep meanings to ensure happiness".10


The offending husband was in the past inclined to cruelty and lies.

The unbalanced wife was relegated to need and addiction, in another physical existence. (To be continued on the next issue of this magazine.)


1. DIAS DA SILVA, MA. The one who loves does not fall ill. 5th ed. Sao Paulo: Best Seller Publisher, 1994. p. 283.

2. XAVIER, F. Candido. The Good News. By the Spirit Humberto de Campos. 13th ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1979. Chapter 15, pages 99-104.

3. McGarey, Gladys y William. Revelaciones de Edgar Cayce sobre el amor y la familia.Madrid: EDITORIAL EDAF, S. A., 1989. Chapter 16, p.. 245. Free translation of the Spanish.

4. XAVIER, Francisco C. The Comforter. By the Spirit Emmanuel. 7th ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB.1977. Q. 179.

5. XAVIER, Francisco C. Our Home. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 25th edition Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1982. Chapter 38, p.. 212.

6. XAVIER, Francisco C. Life and Sex. By the Spirit Emmanuel. 6th edition Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1982. P. 60.

7. Kardec, Allan. The Spirits' Book. Translation: Evandro Bezerra Noleto. 1st edition Commemorating the Centenary. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 2006. Q. 695; 701 and 939, respectively.

8. Kardec, Allan. The Gospel According to Spiritism. Translation: Evandro Bezerra Noleto. 2nd ed. Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 2013. Chapter V, item 4.

9. XAVIER, Francisco C. The Messengers. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 12th edition Rio de Janeiro: FEB, 1980. Chapter 30, p. 160.

10. VIEIRA, Waldo. Sun in Souls. By the Spirit Andre Luiz. 3rd ed. Uberaba: CEC, 1974. Chapter 37, page 111.

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